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Young, Dumb, Damaged

by FiveSidedDice

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1.
Domestic Terrorist 03:20
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I’m that domestic terrorist, bitch Jacking nuclear family shit White middle class suburbia better watch out Coz I’m cutting all their throats out Ima step in the bedroom and start sniffing for blood Trap hole under the floor that’s covered with a dirty rug Jesus loves me written on my coffee mug One wrong move today and I will pull the fucking plug On my sanity, slip into the abyss Nothing will matter coz none of this shit Means anything to me or fucking anyone around me In this sick twisted world that’s always tryna drown me I will get revenge on the white picket fence I’m that domestic terrorist, bitch Jacking nuclear family shit White middle class suburbia better watch out Coz I’m cutting all their throats out You’ll catch me frothing at the mouth Outside your window Tonight a wife will wake up To be a widow Hard liquor on my breath I stench up all your hallways I’m creeping round your house at night Come out and play Hiding inside of your home Jacking off to all of your porn Next time you touch yourself You’ll know you’re not alone I’ll come jizzing out the closet With your toothbrush in my asshole (Hey, that’s a little fucked up though) I’ve been trying to figure out how your toaster works So I can turn your hot bath into some fireworks I set you alight I’m out of sight Losing my mind Yo, I just might Take all your lives Sounds like an ideal Friday night
2.
Running in Circles 03:21
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I’m in need of some sleep I’m losing my mind It feels like only yesterday That I thought was doing just fine Gonna wake up to the same shit Stuck on repeat again Day in, day out, I’ve been cycling round Running in circles my whole life I’ve been walking in the dark Stumbling over the shit I forgot on the floor About a few years ago Back when I was a kid with some hope and a dream A dream of a wonderful place Nothing could phase me nothing could erase all the love I felt in my vision so pure Wholesome an innocence that could possibly cure All of the dark in this world All of the hate and the pain that I feel throughout all my days Damn, shit really changed Goodbye to youth, hello to the twelve gauge Let it go, its only natural Pessimism replaces our blood and it’s all we know No one’s got your back like No one’s got your back like No one’s got your back til the end of it all like you do I’m in need of some sleep I’m losing my mind It feels like only yesterday That I thought was doing just fine Gonna wake up to the same shit Stuck on repeat again Day in, day out, I’ve been cycling round Running in circles my whole life Time to get serious but I don’t know how to break up with the mask on my face, Suffocating my thoughts and happiness I could feel all of my light was erased And it’s too late to think about time lost Wasting moments with thoughts of my death Now I wanna be here until my last breath Keep making music until my life end and I'm gone Just wanna leave behind songs Rhythm and melody’s where I belong A graveyard full of these harmonies Where the tombstones are covered in lyrics So long See you on the other side of it all I’ll be waiting watching everything crash and fall When I see you again I’ll be different It’ll all be different after all Let it go, its only natural Pessimism replaces our blood and it’s all we know No one’s got your back like No one’s got your back like No one’s got your back til the end of it all like you do I’m in need of some sleep I’m losing my mind It feels like only yesterday That I thought was doing just fine Gonna wake up to the same shit Stuck on repeat again Day in, day out, I’ve been cycling round Running in circles my whole life
3.
Young, Dumb, Damaged 02:47
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Enslaved and caged, I’m enraged, Slowly slipping towards my fate, Insane in a sick game, I don’t want fame, no, I just wanna be heard But creative blocks in my way Are causing me to murder any part of me That stands in my own way, I reminisce back towards better When things were simple, we were kids, We had nothing to lose We had the whole world to gain And we had something to prove But life goes on and it slips through your fingertips So now every second counts, every syllable from my lips Humility and gratitude, they were just words to me But now they form foundations of who I want to be. Because I’m lost and spiralling down, My brothers won’t lay me to rest I’m gonna turn this shit around And settle for nothing but the best I’ll bring the pain coz I’m young, dumb, and damaged I’ma bring that pain coz I’m young, dumb, and damaged Pure love, peace, joy, happiness, and freedom What do these words mean and do I even feel them? Are they just some slogans or some bumper sticker shit Conveniently utilized whenever we see fit? I want the real thing, I wanna talk to God But I can’t help realizing that something feels odd When you’re talking to something You know probably don’t exist Stuck somewhere between agnostic and atheist, I know the devil’s real, I have seen him myself He was in the mirror when I opened up the medicine shelf, Overdosed and saw him again at the tunnel end gates They pumped my stomach and then he was in the nurse’s face All I wanted was to die, don’t resuscitate, bitch Now there’s pain on the faces of the ones I’m in the room with Brought back into a fucking rotting world of shit, Surrounded by greed and hate that I must now live with.
4.
In Love With Danger Again 04:05
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I can’t relate anymore To anyone that used to know me before Everything had dissipated and I fell apart So I could reset my life and restart Now those days are over I replay them in my head Coz when I’m sober I still think of you til I see red So I drink my medicine And it goes straight to my head I’m in love with danger again I’m so fucking tired But I’m feeling alright I had a good night The demons in my head tucked me in tight I’m ready to face the next day I refuse to get in my own way I may just stumble I may just fall and lose it all But best believe I’m off my knees And if they’re broken I will crawl my way Into the next chapter I bring the motherfucking rapture, Crucify my inner demons, Fluid conditional adapter Not a wordsmith but I’m trying My vocabulary’s high in Words that don’t make sense or fit together Just like my thoughts When I try to put them down on pen and paper It’s all blurry like my weekend Where I fell into the deep end And I drowned but woke up Only drenched in sweat and regret But relieved to realize that I’m nowhere near the end Of my time here on this earth Here’s to family and friends I can’t relate anymore To anyone that used to know me before Everything had dissipated and I fell apart So I could reset my life and restart Now those days are over I replay them in my head Coz when I’m sober I still think of you til I see red So I drink my medicine And it goes straight to my head I’m in love with danger again Get out my way I’m stuck in the fast lane In a life of perpetual madness, Insane like a Hungry street dog With rabies and mange Just tearing through garbage to get through the day and it’s lonely I wish you would phone me Tell me I’m your only That's wishful thinking I can’t relate anymore To anyone that used to know me before Everything had dissipated and I fell apart So I could reset my life and restart Now those days are over I replay them in my head Coz when I’m sober I still think of you til I see red So I drink my medicine And it goes straight to my head I’m in love with danger again
5.
Happy Death Day 03:45
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Looking back I realize you were my best friend Couldn’t wait for school hours to end Everyday we would meet up in the neighborhood Play with Yugioh cards, PlayStation 2, you know what’s good Time passed by, we grew older and apart But your brotherhood remained close to my heart We gravitated back together again in a bar Then one night you played the fool drunk driving your car I heard you’re out cold, chilling in the hospital Next thing I hear you’re talking to your mom while you fall Asleep on your soon to be death bed Fractured skull, tired soul, hole in your head Eventually you passed on, they pulled the plug We realize that you would never wake up to us A never ending coma, no hope We had to let you go we fired guns at your funeral So I hope you’re now resting in peace I won’t forget you, don’t forget me. And I know I’m one of many when I say Once death impacts life we’re never the same Now you’re spending time with one or two other friends that I lost along the way, a young girl shot in the back in the head and two brothers that swung by a noose on a cold dark day I stutter with a frog in my throat but still say I miss that feeling Of being young Only toy guns And there’s no justice When you grow up It’s fight or run Float to the sun Then melt away Evaporate Happy death day I remember that hangover beach day On repeat listening to Bodyjar, it’s not the same You helped me out in the darkest of times Through betrayal and my hardship you stuck by my side You had a death pact, and I was warned That you will take your life soon, nothing could sway you You made your mind up long before you took any action You dropped me a text when I was at the airport relaxing I told you I would be back pretty soon, Left you with the digits of our entire crew Little did I know that’s the last I would hear from you I was thousands of miles away when I received the news Your sister told me that you’re gone I was invited to a celebration that I was too far from They would celebrate your life I would go out and make the most of my night And now you live on with many others in my thoughts, In my songs, in my memories whatever I can hold on to I hope you never forget me coz I will never forget you I miss that feeling Of being young Only toy guns And there’s no justice When you grow up It’s fight or run Float to the sun Then melt away Evaporate Happy death day
6.
Black Sheep 04:08
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I’m floating like a feather in the wind Just tryna catch moments and the state of mind I'm in at the time Try to forget rewinding counting back to the day of beginning again It’s like the cycle never ends when I’m loopy Might travel back in time just to go and shoot me Make sure I never make a single song Or try to write some rhymes well picking a guitar, I was wrong But still the melodies keep me going strong I figured out just what is I want in this life, I want answers So I’ll stick around and I’ll keep taking all my chances Pushing buttons in the universe just to see what they do Rewiring my brain to see if I break through to the other side Wonder what I’ll find back there, I’m a little scared, But oh well here I go Hello? Is anybody out there? Come on, take a ride with me through my consciousness I got questions, can you try to answer this I wanna know if the soul exists And if God is really real can he make my mom rich (I wish) Provide me with some peace of mind inside It’s just chaos well I try to run and hide from my thoughts I’m on fire and no self love extinguishes the flame So I’ll just smoke out my enemies and play the wicked game Gravity is the law but I never liked the rules So I’ll be floating in the clouds High above the buildings where they manufacture you I’m the black sheep in the crowd I’ve been told I’m a misfit outcast And I speak a little too loud But you’ll all remember my name From the love I leave behind and my sounds I took another trip down my memory lane Just to see how bar back I can remember everything But my life’s been feeling like a blur and I’m rushed Time keeps speeding up, leaving me behind in the dust I’m turning 25 this year and that’s crazy What the hell happened to my life and time I was a baby Not too long ago in the crib when my mamma would tuck me in She would start to sing but little did she know the melodies would stick in my head And I’d go on to make music my best friend It’s always been there throughout my whole life Something I’ve counted on when I’m not doing alright I’ve thought of suicide and almost succeeded twice But I never wanna think of that again I’ve got too much love inside of me to let this life end So I’m keeping on until I make this life golden Gravity is the law but I never liked the rules So I’ll be floating in the clouds High above the buildings where they manufacture you I’m the black sheep in the crowd I’ve been told I’m a misfit outcast And I speak a little too loud But you’ll all remember my name From the love I leave behind and my sounds I’m struggling to make sense of anything around me I dissociate and my thoughts blind me They get a little too loud sometimes I got to pop in and whisper “Shh, keep it down” It gets a little bit noisy up in here Especially this time of year When I’m drinking, thinking Feel like I’m sinking Down the drain and here I go again Slipping and sliding through the mainframe of my brain Kinda colliding with my homies in the day to day We got a few things in common, Like the things that never go away Coz that’s life and the way it always has been for us I hoop you vibe in the hook and the chorus Coz here it comes again one last time Take a hit, lay back, close your eyes, open your mind And let the soul food feed you I hope these words meant something to you So until we meet again on the B Side Promise me you’ll live your best life We’re gonna be alright Everything is gonna be alright Gravity is the law but I never liked the rules So I’ll be floating in the clouds High above the buildings where they manufacture you I’m the black sheep in the crowd I’ve been told I’m a misfit outcast And I speak a little too loud But you’ll all remember my name From the love I leave behind and my sounds
7.
I Remember (Looking Back) 03:37
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I remember my first cigarette I was about 12 and I thought I was the shit Lit it up and took a little hit Even if I tried now I couldn’t quit I remember my first time having sex I was about 13 I couldn’t believe it Just a minute into it I was dead Used no condom, got the pill for my girlfriend I remember my first time seeing meth I was about 14 in an apartment They were showing off guns in the basement I preferred liquor coz at least I could taste it I remember my first taste of death Fighting 3 on one like a fucking idiot I bled out on a cold pavement I saw a light and reality was distant I remember my first suicide attempt Rushed to a hospital hoping it’s my deathbed They got the poison all out in the end I wish I could say that I learnt a lesson I remember losing control again My seizures got worse and they didn’t end Despite taking Epilem It took a few years for the nightmares to end I remember my first rehabilitation Treatment center after ultimatum Subject of an intervention My behavior was in question I remember my first arrest Flat back in the cell, eyes on the ceiling They brought breakfast in the morning All I tasted was pain and regret I remember my first betrayal Now I’ll cut you off like a train derailed I remember my first heartbreak Now I’ve learnt everything in life just is that way Now I move forward, Looking back And not forgetting a thing And I’ll move on, I’m still intact Ready for anything Now I move forward, Looking back And not forgetting a thing And I’ll move on, I’m still intact Ready for anything
8.
Get Drunk, Kiss Boys / Cold Tiles 03:24
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You’ll wrap yourself in a blanket of regret I’ll wrap myself in sandpaper secrets Cut into me, and like the ashes I reap Alcohol, poison, internally bleed Bleed onto me, you taste so sweet Kiss me, gay boy Give me what I need Phallic fixation, drunken frustration Cure my disease with the blood that you bleed Bleed into me, saliva so sweet Kiss me, gay boy, kiss me then leave Because we’re all just toys Get drunk, kiss boys Feedback and noise Get drunk, kiss boys I know all the tricks of the trade To get into the linings of bruised hearts And now I’m alone in my home With my thoughts picking stupid songs on guitar There’s gotta be more to existing Than breathing and emotional roller-coaster rides Something more challenging than self-medicating Something much bigger than I Now I’m wasting half my life Searching for meaning (futile) I’m laid flat on the floor My eyes glues to the ceiling (cold tiles)
9.
Problem After All 03:34
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I’m tryna make the most of my time here All I wanna do is disappear Irritable, what is the cause Maybe I'm the problem after all Tasting both sides of the track is a blast Growing in poverty but tryna make good times last I’m here to leave a mark on this world And you’ll Remember my name or you’ll remember my death toll I grew up on a fluctuation, little to no one relates to my situation white boy grow up surrounded by colour Infatuated but never felt love (ah) Raised on violence and hatred Passed down from generation to degeneration And I’m a byproduct, a defective from the stock I cant tell you what gushed from my dads cock Born and bred surrounded By racist hate and supremacy abundant Bikers Afrikaner bloed, I’m a soutie No idea what the fuck I’m supposed to be I got a clear idea of what I'm not Connect the blood stains and you connect the dots I talk to dead friends in my dreams Your thriller movies are my reality I’m tryna make the most of my time here All I wanna do is disappear Irritable, what is the cause Maybe I'm the problem after all Suicide is something too familiar 2 attempts serious 2 were vinegar On my wounds screaming "bruh, get some help" Its in your genetics it’s swimming in your blood cells Rehab, jail, man what does it fuckin take Just to put you on a path away from savagery ways You follow in the footsteps of what you know Broken, twisted, this is your home Turn it all around another year goes by Another held back tear from your eyes Bottle it up and drink all that shit down I’m a fucking joke, I’m the motherfucking clown What is my destiny? Pure perpetual pain and no rest for me I’m on a constant emotional roller-coaster I climb in my bathtub and drop the toaster Ahaha, suicide is funny If you're desensitized to the act and you're running I guess some of us find some relief In the fact that no one gives a fuck if we leave I’m tryna make the most of my time here All I wanna do is disappear Irritable, what is the cause Maybe I'm the problem after all
10.
So Disposable 03:19
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How long were you on your way out for I just wanna know if I meant anything to you before I never knew that I was so disposable Threw me away like I meant nothing to you at all Don’t tell me I didn’t try only my best Just to keep you close to my heart under my chest And I know that I'm troubled, I know I can be Just A little bit difficult but you will see If you gimme a chance I will prove it to you But you won’t so there's nothing at all I can do But I’m honest I promise I did all I could But I guess that wasn’t enough for you So long Well I guess this is goodbye It’s been real I’ll Cross my heart and hope you die I know That if you lose me You lose a good thing How long were you on your way out for I just wanna know if I meant anything to you before I never knew that I was so disposable Threw me away like I meant nothing to you at all How long were you on your way out for I just wanna know if I meant anything to you before I never knew that I was so disposable Threw me away like I meant nothing to you at all
11.
Give Me Death 03:29
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It was when she whispered hurt me That I lost my self control I tore myself up from inside her Just to soak into her soul And from every sweat drenched moan To every breathless sigh, I was complacent; nihilistic, I was ready to die. Arch in your back You show me your whip, A kiss for a smack, Don’t gimme me no lip, Something’s wrong, Just gimme some head, Pull yourself together, Now give me some death, Now give me death. Can't say I didn't miss this God knows I’ve missed your flesh And I know that you know I'm the one that knows you best So when you find yourself beside me In my bed, I'm in your head, I'm swallowing you whole To fill a hole inside my chest. Arch in your back You show me your whip, A kiss for a smack, Don’t gimme me no lip, Something’s wrong, Just gimme some head, Pull yourself together, Now give me some death, Now give me death. Don't toy with me. I'm just a boy, you see. Damaged insecurity, I break easily. Arch in your back You show me your whip, A kiss for a smack, Don’t gimme me no lip, Something’s wrong, Just gimme some head, Pull yourself together, Now give me some death, Now give me death.
12.
We Got Shit To Do 02:20
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Tears in my mother’s eyes Prevent my thoughts of suicide But demons in my head are talking They’re plotting my homicide Something that still haunts my every sleepless night I try to internalize it And put up my best fight But it still creeps up on me when I’m alone, I’m frantic and lonely, Scrolling through the contacts on my cellphone I think that writing might help I feel a little more like myself But once I put that shit on paper Then I put it back into my shelf Perhaps it’s time to be a little more honest I may need some help Now no liquor, no blowjob, no meds Can ease this pain, No smoke, no money And fuck cocaine I’ve been on a mission for a while now to find myself, I never stopped to consider my own mental health No holiday trip out to America No laid back puffing on the indica No cold beers on the couch Chilling with the crew Because your happiness and strength Needs to come from within you It’s hard to find that strength When my vision is so hazy I try to think forward To how better my days can be And once I take a few steps back And I get into the rhythm I stop talking for a second And I just listen to myself Dude, you’re sounding like you’re crazy Don’t think of taking your life You’ll tear apart your family and your friends Who’s gonna be there to listen to their shit You’re the glue that keeps them all together And you know it Now stop thinking like that And get your shit together It’s no use dwelling in the miserable weather So pick yourself up And be the best version of you And remember we got shit to do

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A full-length hip hop album by FiveSidedDice, written throughout 2019 and independently released and distributed through FiveSidedRecords. For fans of underground, conscious, alternative hip hop, as well as rap rock.

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released November 30, 2019

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FiveSidedDice Port Elizabeth, South Africa

FiveSidedDice is a multi-genre music project from the coast of South Africa which was started in 2008. After attaining an inclusive degree in music having done a year of a general diploma in music at Nelson Mandela University, the journey of FiveSidedDice remains ongoing, and the sound ever-changing and evolving. The music of FiveSidedDice and affiliated projects is available across all platforms. ... more

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